Loss of control.

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Loss of control. Empty Loss of control.

Post  Rose on Thu Apr 09, 2009 11:20 am

Honey reached over to shut off the alarm and winced as the movement disturbed the scratches on her shoulder. She glanced around the unfamiliar room, got up, opened the curtains and looked out on the unfamiliar town. As she turned to begin getting ready for the day she caught a knee on the dresser “FUCK.” As the sharp pain faded, Honey did something she hadn’t done since she was a little girl and began to cry, her body shuddering with uncontrollable sobbing. She had always been so independent and in control. And here she was unable even to keep her home safe, unable to protect herself. She had spent her life around dangerous criminals and never once felt uncomfortable, but then she had always known what she was doing, had control of the situation. She now felt tugged in all directions by unseen forces. Intruding on her life, slowly destroying her self determination. Leaving her trapped in imminence.

Honey backed against the wall and sank down it to the floor, drawing her knees up until she was in the foetal position. A new bout of sobs intruding on her person. The worst thing was she had always known right from wrong. An idea which had evolved as she had more and more experience with the criminal world, but nevertheless she had always acted in a way she had believed to be right. Now she was consorting with a murderer, involved in illegal activities, lying to the police and worst of all she had sentenced a sentient being to death. The face of her attacker appeared in her mind and the pain intensified. How dare he, how DARE he. Yet assault does not warrant the death sentence. Except he was wrong, he did act in an immoral way, he should be punished. It’s not like he can go to prison – this is the only option. Death is the only option, he might hurt someone else. Honey repeated this to herself as she dried her eyes on the sleeve of her nightshirt. But the look in his eyes just before he ran haunted her thoughts, given time he could be rehabilitated. The morality was still there. But the cost of that rehabilitation would be too high. It would be too dangerous.

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